Practicing the concept of Middle Way in our lives
How to find a solution when you face two opposing ideas
In our lives, we often come across difficult situations in which two opposing choices, ideas, or people, face one another. For instance, one person loves idea A, and the other hates idea A but loves idea B. In these situations, we often create an argument to prove why one way is better, becoming entrenched in it. This can cause division, and even lead to us fighting like enemies.
But I have found that we can also turn this into an opportunity to understand each other, and simultaneously become closer. This elevates a situation from being divisive, to being healing.
There is a Buddhist principle of living in Middle Way, which is to live in harmony and wisdom. Middle Way doesn’t make any average or compromised situation out of the two opposing positions. Rather, it has the power to elevate the opposing ideas, and reaching a mutual higher goal to enjoy peace and harmony.
Everyone has stories to tell. Everyone has reasons to believe and act. Everyone has challenges to be listened to and sympathized with. Everyone has circumstances that limit their access to others, different values, and learning opportunities. Everyone has love and empathy, but limitations may have hindered their access to extended love in the world, other than their own friends and families. Most of all, everyone wants to love, and beloved.
Consider and trust how the practice of understanding and knowing can have the potential to bridge divides, find solutions, and bring us together, instead of always focusing on sides or actions.
Understanding someone is not easy, but it’s the beginning and a practical step to cross over your boundaries to the other side that you never knew before. You may be surprised by what you find.
In the following steps, I summarize how you can create more understanding in every situation you may come across when you encounter “difficult” or opposing ideas, and turn it into a more harmonious peaceful situation. In such conversation, let’s simplify the person with the idea A as A, and the person with idea B as B.
1. Know your goal— peace or fight
Now, you are about to discuss the two opposing ideas A and B with the person B. It’s up to you to decide to make it a battle, or the beginning of friendship. You must know your goal or desired outcome of conversation you are about to hold with B. How you enter the conversation and the goal you have in mind can impact the outcome. Can you make it peaceful by bringing a sense of calm to the conversation? Or do you intend to fight and leave sour taste afterwards?
2. Examine B carefully with welcoming empathy
Stay neutral or rather be empathetic and welcome B. Whatever conversation you may have, you are the first person to create a welcoming atmosphere and can choose to radiate love toward B. If you start with anxiety, skepticism, or doubt, B will mirror your thoughts and feelings and reflect them back to you. If you catch those from B, they don’t come from B but you. B is merely acting like your mirror, so reflect on this, and correct your attitude. Rather, with eyes of kindness, empathy, and love, you examine B. You then receive the same things from B as reflections of your feelings. Always leave your critical sharp eyes and thoughts behind, wearing instead, compassion and kindness.
3. Listen to B with much attention
As I wrote about listening a little more in detail before (here), listening wholeheartedly is not an easy task, but is so effective in understanding and accepting the person. You don’t have to agree with or please B intentionally. But listen to B with much care and attention as possible. So, acknowledging and understanding where and what B comes from now becomes a mutual foundation on which you can even build a relationship.
4. Respectful imagination and perspectives
As you begin to understand B, you can embrace differences between you and B. Their perspectives and background to hold the idea B is somewhat reasonable and relatable to your own thought process of the idea A. Instead of criticizing or disliking, or casting your own feelings onto B, you can put the idea B (Book B) on a shelf with all other ideas. You may have some favorites books and philosophies on your specific bookshelf, but you can still have many books and ideas on your shelf to enjoy and broaden your perspective and understanding.. Good stories, bad stories, you don’t have to like them. But every book has a profound story to tell. When we acknowledge and appreciate each story as if you are listening to it for the first time, you will have a life enriched with many different perspectives.
5. How can you accomplish your original goal?
Now you can go back to the goal you set before you had a conversation with B. If you have followed the steps up to this point, you are practicing creating peace as your goal. Remember you are the first person to act with kindness and empathy, not waiting for B to act on.
Now, you have good understanding of B and their idea without judging them. The difference between you and B are acknowledged and embraced. Let’s say each of us, either A or B, is full and complete as 100%. Middle Way is not making average, but both A and B feel greater than what they were before as 100% each. After all the good communication and conversation, both A and B may feel they are now at 200% or even greater. The meaningful communication without conquering one party or the other will make us happier, but never reduce our wholeness to the average of 50% plus 50% to make up to 100%. We are never reduced but still full and whole at 100%, strikingly feeling like 200% or more. This is the magic of Middle Way.
In this holiday season as friends and families get together, may you and your families be open to the love and be ready to listen to each other, and appreciate and embrace all the differences we have. As we dust our bookshelves off before holidays, may all the books in different colors, shapes, and styles shine brilliantly with their beauty.
Thank you for reading this article. Your kind comments and messages mean a lot to me. Thank you!
Love on the earth! Kyomi
When you receive this newsletter, I am traveling in Japan. I wish you all a joyful and memorable holiday season! Here I share a few photos from the past few years.
If only the wisdom in these words were practiced by World leaders across the world at this time, what a beautiful world we would all be living in. thanks for sharing Kyomi (Love the Xmas Tree!)
'Understanding someone is not easy, but it’s the beginning and a practical step to cross over your boundaries to the other side that you never knew before. You may be surprised by what you find'